About two weeks ago, I was sitting in a meeting with some generals and admirals, and I found myself looking around and asking myself how the hell I got there. I found myself suddenly flabbergasted by the fact that this is my life. I couldn't fathom the fact that in 22 years I had brought myself to a point where I was sitting in a room with generals and admirals. It made me take a step back and ask, is this really my life? What would have been if I had made one decision differently somewhere along the path to this point? Would I still be here?
For those of you who don't know, I live in Israel. And as all of you know I'm sure, Israel is in a tough spot right now (most of the time, but especially right now) security wise. I find myself running to shelters on a daily basis, and looking at the scared faces around me and calming them down. And again, I find myself asking how I got here. Almost as if I am outside looking in. And for a split second, I imagine everything differently. I imagine my college degree, my brand new job just out of school, my ambitions, my friends. But after that split second, I return to the inside and reclaim my life.
Some people say that you should never think about what could have been. I, though, actually think that it can be healthy every once in awhile. As soon as we are able to let go of what currently is, and imagine what could have been instead, we give ourselves the ability to gain perspective on the life we are living. We gain perspective on the potential mistakes we made and then realize that they turned out for the best. We gain perspective on the decisions we have made, and the relationships we have, and the experiences we have had. And we realize just how beautiful it all is, or maybe just how much we want to change.
Every time I reclaim my life, I tell myself that this is the life that I chose for myself, and I should be damn proud of it, even of the blemishes along the way. There is not one single person who is living this life of mine, just like there is not one single person who is living that life of yours. We have no choice but to claim it, and hold on tight, because we will never have a different life to live.